Now I wait for the rain

    I told you rain is my favorite weather. I’m usually a joyful person, but I find comfort in sadness. I like sad songs, dull colors, movies with angsty stories, rainy days.
    Maybe it’s because I know how happiness feels that I can enjoy the sadness.
    It's unusual, but I used to associate everything sad with pleasant moments because I shared them with nice people. I used to love talking about soul-shattering song lyrics with the person who made me feel like the happiest woman.
    But now I wait for the rain.
    The day is sunny. You’re lying beside me, breathing, with skin as cold as absence.
    My love is fearful. I dream more awake than when I die at night.
    How could you ever be the reason for my euphoria? I lie wishing something bad happened to us, so that you would abandon me. Doing it myself would be like a rain of knives.
    Now you enjoy the warmth of your life, while I’m at a funeral, but the coffin remains empty.
    I like happiness, I listen to love songs, I watch romance comedy movies, I take pictures of sunny skies.
    It’s so much easier to yearn for happiness when we’re sad.
    Now I just wait for the rain.