Mind Palace
I’m always prepared for all possible situations, I can imagine any kind of outcome from my decisions.
Anxiety. I’ve been having problems with a friend for a while. I know, there’s something in me asking me to make a decision, so I sit on my bed and I turn the TV on, volume at zero. The movements relax me, but the sound distracts me. I kept watching. I know I’m watching TV, but my eyes don’t capture anything. I notice the movements, but I don’t understand what’s happening. Although my eyes are open, I can’t see, I’m rather imagining, superimposing an imaginary space in reality. It looks like my bedroom, but there are usually other objects, other furniture, sometimes people appear, sometimes I replay situations I’ve experienced or I might experience.
We’ve been friends for two years. Memories. I know all her details, I know how she looks, her height, the symmetries of her face and the lack thereof, her colors, her way of dressing, her gestures and her voice. My bedroom is filled with square tables, on top of them are framed photos, moments I’ve already lived. She walks through the door in silence and stares at me, her eyes give me good memories, but the indifference of her expression reminds me why we’re staring at each other right now. I start sorting the photos while she follows me with her brown-colored orbs, I separate the moments by the feelings I get from them.
Joyness. I wanted to remember the good times for a moment. We used to talk, you were like a sister to me.
Fears. I wonder if I was as important to you as you were to me.
Comfort. Then you made me feel like no one understood me as much as you did.
“Memories, joyness, fears, comfort”, I start talking to her, but I was actually talking alone. “Good times, bad times. Everything was part of a good friendship. Now, everything causes me… anxiety”.
I’m alone in my bedroom, the tables are empty. I don’t talk anymore. We don’t talk anymore. I know perfectly well that now we are strangers, and the reasons. Nevertheless, I feel the need to ask you why. I notice the movements in the TV, the tables are no longer here. I have to cut this anxiety.
Anxiety. I’ve been having problems with a friend for a while. I know, there’s something in me asking me to make a decision, so I sit on my bed and I turn the TV on, volume at zero. The movements relax me, but the sound distracts me. I kept watching. I know I’m watching TV, but my eyes don’t capture anything. I notice the movements, but I don’t understand what’s happening. Although my eyes are open, I can’t see, I’m rather imagining, superimposing an imaginary space in reality. It looks like my bedroom, but there are usually other objects, other furniture, sometimes people appear, sometimes I replay situations I’ve experienced or I might experience.
We’ve been friends for two years. Memories. I know all her details, I know how she looks, her height, the symmetries of her face and the lack thereof, her colors, her way of dressing, her gestures and her voice. My bedroom is filled with square tables, on top of them are framed photos, moments I’ve already lived. She walks through the door in silence and stares at me, her eyes give me good memories, but the indifference of her expression reminds me why we’re staring at each other right now. I start sorting the photos while she follows me with her brown-colored orbs, I separate the moments by the feelings I get from them.
Joyness. I wanted to remember the good times for a moment. We used to talk, you were like a sister to me.
Fears. I wonder if I was as important to you as you were to me.
Comfort. Then you made me feel like no one understood me as much as you did.
“Memories, joyness, fears, comfort”, I start talking to her, but I was actually talking alone. “Good times, bad times. Everything was part of a good friendship. Now, everything causes me… anxiety”.
I’m alone in my bedroom, the tables are empty. I don’t talk anymore. We don’t talk anymore. I know perfectly well that now we are strangers, and the reasons. Nevertheless, I feel the need to ask you why. I notice the movements in the TV, the tables are no longer here. I have to cut this anxiety.
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